Living with me must be… Interesting

It’s no surprise to anyone who knows me that I have some OCD tendencies. In fact, on doing some research it seems that the majority of people have OCD of some kind.

I’ve always known that I obsess more than necessary about certain things. I didn’t really think much of it until a while ago, when my dad jokingly tagged me on a Facebook post entitled “You know you have OCD when these things drive you nuts.” I realise my dad wasn’t being serious, and that Facebook can’t be trusted for giving you a diagnosis on anything – I have also been told by Facebook that I’m bi-polar, my porn name is Pixie Springfield, my dwarf character is Sneezy and that my “real” age is 23 so I don’t really take it too seriously. However, this quiz did remind me of how, as a small child with a packet of colouring pens or pencils I would only take out one at a time and always put it back in the same place, and how my sister would deliberately empty them all out and then laugh at me while I cried and shouted about her “messing up my order”. I also remember once asking my mum to put my clean pants at the bottom of the pile so that I could make sure I wore them all… that was around the time she started making me pack my own washing away.

Saying goodbye to the ones we love. And the people that choose to leave with them…

Not a brilliant, clear photo, but this is David, his long-term partner Wendy with my 2 boys last time they visited us in Weymouth

I was supposed to be getting married last Sunday (12th October). It was lucky in a way that we decided to delay it. The new date isn’t yet booked, and that is a good thing too, as I’m not up to planning a wedding at the moment.

As it was, last Sunday turned out to be a bad day. That was the day that we received the phone call that told us my father-in-law had reached his final days. Even though I’m no longer married to his son, and I’m planning a life with someone else, he never stopped being my father in law. He didn’t judge, or take sides, or accuse me or ask me about what happened. He just continued to treat me the same way he always had. Even though his son decided to stop contact with our children, and hasn’t seen them, or spoken to them, or sent them birthday cards for over a year, he never stopped being their grandad, and we saw him as often as we could. He never made me feel unwelcome or uncomfortable in his house. What an amazing man.

David (my father-in-law) died yesterday (16th October). He had pancreatic cancer, and his death had so many similarities to the death of my mum. So while grieving for this new loss, and for my children’s loss, I’ve been reliving the loss of my mum too.

Promises to myself

(No, I totally did NOT go out and buy a brand new photo frame for the purpose of making a title picture for this post!)

I’ve noticed that the gym is just a little bit quieter this week. I guess that for some of the people who decided to join as a result of a New Years resolution the novelty has begun to wear off. (Not everyone, there are still a lot of people who are doing REALLY well!) This got me thinking about my own resolutions, and whether I am doing a good job of sticking to them…

This year, for the first time in my life, I didn’t resolve to eat more healthily, or quit smoking, or lose weight (although I’m actually not doing a bad job with any of those things). No, this New Years Eve, I raised my Jägerbomb at midnight and announced that, this year, I would like to try to spend more time doing things that make me happy, and worry less about what other people think of me.

So, how am I actually doing? Well, as this blog was started in direct retaliation to a sarcastic comment someone made about how much time I spend exercising (and facebooking about it), I guess I’m not doing amazingly with the second part of my promise!